You remember the prayer because you meant every word.
You asked God to restore the relationship, protect someone you loved or open a particular door. You sought counsel. You waited. Perhaps people prayed alongside you and spoke confidently about what would happen.
Then the outcome came, and it was the one you feared.
Now someone asks how you are doing spiritually. You say, “God is faithful,” because you believe it, but there are questions you cannot easily say aloud.
“Why did this happen?”
“Did I misunderstand you?”
“Can I bring myself to pray about something important again?”
Disappointment with God can be difficult to admit, particularly when you are accustomed to encouraging other people. Yet Scripture contains prayers from people who struggled to understand God’s ways and continued speaking to him.
You can begin there.
1. SAY WHAT YOU ARE DISAPPOINTED ABOUT
Sometimes the pain remains vague because you feel guilty naming it.
Try completing these sentences privately:
“I asked God for…”
“What happened was…”
“The part I find hardest is…”
“I am afraid this means…”
That last sentence may reveal something important.
You might discover that beneath the disappointment lies a fear that God has rejected you, that prayer is pointless or that you can no longer trust your judgement.
Bring the actual concern into prayer.
“Father, I asked for this, and it did not happen. I feel hurt and confused. I am struggling to believe that you care about this part of my life.”
You do not need to begin with a polished conclusion.
2. LET THE BIBLE TEACH YOU HOW TO LAMENT
Lament is prayer that brings grief, protest and need before God.
Psalm 13 begins with repeated questions about how long the psalmist must endure distress. Psalm 88 ends without the reassuring resolution we might expect.
These prayers belong within Scripture. Their presence gives us reason to make room for difficult words in Christian worship and personal prayer.
You could read Psalm 13 slowly and use its movement as a guide:
Name what hurts.
Ask for help.
Recall what you know of God’s character.
Some days you may struggle with the final part. Read it as words you are reaching towards rather than a feeling you must manufacture.
3. LOOK AT JESUS IN YOUR SORROW
In John 11, Martha and Mary each tell Jesus that their brother would not have died if he had been there. Their words carry both faith in his power and the pain of his absence.
Jesus meets them in that grief. He also weeps.
The account ends with Lazarus being raised, but it does not give Christians a promise that every bereavement or disappointment will be reversed during this life.
It does show us Christ entering human sorrow.
In Gethsemane, Jesus asks that the cup might pass from him while entrusting himself to the Father’s will. At the cross, he voices the opening words of Psalm 22.
Christian faith has language for anguish because our Lord entered it.
4. EXAMINE WHAT YOU BELIEVED GOD HAD PROMISED
After disappointment, it can help to distinguish several things:
A promise found in Scripture.
Your understanding of how that promise would apply.
A personal hope.
Someone else’s prediction.
Those may have become joined together without you noticing.
For example, God’s care for you does not establish that a particular person will marry you or that a specific employer will offer you a position.
If someone confidently announced an outcome in God’s name, you are allowed to examine that claim. First Thessalonians 5:20–21 calls believers to take prophecy seriously and test what they hear.
Ask:
“Where did my certainty about this outcome come from?”
“Was I given room to ask questions?”
“Did someone treat an interpretation as a guarantee?”
Discuss this with a trustworthy Christian who can listen without insisting that every confident statement must have come from God.
5. RESIST EXPLANATIONS YOU CANNOT KNOW
Pain often creates a strong desire for an explanation. People around you may feel that pressure too.
They may tell you exactly why God allowed something or identify a hidden spiritual cause without sufficient grounds.
You do not have to accept an explanation simply because it sounds certain.
The book of Job challenges the assumption that suffering can be neatly traced to a particular personal failure. Job’s friends speak at length, but their confidence does not make their account reliable.
There may be choices you need to examine or practical lessons to learn. There may also be questions you cannot answer.
“I do not understand why this happened” can be a truthful statement made in faith.
6. KEEP A SMALL, HONEST CONNECTION WITH GOD
When prayer feels difficult, an ambitious spiritual routine may become another source of discouragement.
Choose something manageable.
Read a short passage from a Gospel.
Pray one honest sentence.
Sit quietly with a psalm.
Attend worship with someone you trust.
Ask another believer to pray when you struggle to find words.
You might pray:
“Lord Jesus, help me remain open to you today.”
Romans 8:26 speaks of the Spirit helping believers in their weakness when they do not know how to pray as they ought.
Your inability to express everything does not place your distress beyond God’s understanding.
7. TAKE THE PRACTICAL STEP THAT IS STILL AVAILABLE
Disappointment can leave you waiting for an explanation before you feel able to act.
Consider what needs attention now.
Is there an application to submit?
A difficult conversation to arrange?
An appointment to attend?
A responsibility that needs sharing?
A decision for which you need reliable information?
Prayer and practical action can belong together.
If someone has mistreated you, seek appropriate support and address what happened. You do not need to explain away their conduct in order to preserve your belief in God’s goodness.
Taking a responsible step does not mean that your questions have all been settled.
8. CHOOSE PEOPLE WHO CAN STAY WITH THE QUESTION
Look for someone who can hear your disappointment without immediately correcting your language.
You might say:
“I am struggling with an unanswered prayer. I need someone to listen before offering an explanation.”
A trusted pastor, mature Christian friend or appropriate counsellor may help you work through different parts of the experience.
Be clear about what would help:
“Could you check in with me next week?”
“Would you come to church with me?”
“Can we read this passage together?”
You do not have to carry disappointment privately simply because you have supported other people through theirs.
9. ALLOW HOPE TO DEVELOP WITHOUT FIXING A DEADLINE
You may be afraid that hoping again will expose you to another painful outcome.
Begin with the hope Christianity actually places before you: the crucified and risen Christ, his presence with his people and the promised resurrection.
Romans 8:18–25 holds future hope alongside present suffering and groaning. It does not require believers to describe the present as painless.
You can also make ordinary plans and receive good things as they come. Give yourself permission to enjoy a conversation, accept help or look forward to something small.
You do not need to call the disappointment good before you can recognise goodness elsewhere in your life.
A PRACTICAL EXERCISE FOR THIS WEEK
Set aside ten minutes and write a prayer with four beginnings:
“Lord, this is what happened…”
“This is what I do not understand…”
“This is the help I need today…”
“This is the next step I can take…”
Read the prayer aloud if you can.
Then choose one person to contact or one practical action to complete. Keep the step small enough to do.
You may still have questions afterwards. You have nevertheless brought them into a conversation with God and made room for support.
FINAL PRAYER
Father, I bring you the disappointment I have struggled to name. You know what I hoped for and how deeply the outcome hurt. Help me distinguish your promises from the expectations I attached to them. Keep me close to Jesus when I cannot understand what has happened. Give me trustworthy companionship, wisdom for the decisions before me and strength for today’s next step. Amen.
FURTHER READING
Forthcoming: When God Seems Silent by Apostle David Ogunseyin.
Visit the author’s Amazon page for current book availability
Related articles
How to Heal After Betrayal Without Losing Your Faith
How to Stop Overthinking and Fight Fear Through Prayer
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Apostle David Ogunseyin is an Anglican priest and the Founder & Lead Pastor of Prophetic Voice Restoration Global.
Restoring Lives • Rebuilding Hope • Reviving Destinies