You have said, “We should pray together more.”
Your spouse agreed.
Then bedtime arrived. Someone needed to finish something. The next morning was rushed. A week passed, and neither of you mentioned it again.
Or perhaps you did begin, but one person prayed for several minutes while the other struggled to know what to say.
Praying beside someone who knows your everyday life can feel surprisingly vulnerable. They heard how you spoke during yesterday’s disagreement. They know what you are worried about and which subject you keep avoiding.
Learning how to pray together as a couple begins with making room for honest, ordinary words before God.
You can start small.
1. TALK ABOUT WHAT MAKES IT DIFFICULT
Before organising a prayer routine, ask each other:
“What feels comfortable about praying together?”
“What feels awkward?”
“Have I ever made you feel corrected or judged when we pray?”
“What would make it easier to begin?”
Listen without defending yourself immediately.
Your spouse may worry about sounding unspiritual. They may come from a church where prayers are read from a book, while you are used to praying spontaneously. They may associate shared prayer with arguments that were never properly resolved.
Understanding that experience helps you choose a way forward together.
2. BEGIN WITH TWO OR THREE MINUTES
A short prayer you can both participate in is a reasonable beginning.
Choose a moment when you are usually available. That might be after breakfast, before leaving for work or during an evening call if you live apart.
For your first week, try:
Each person names one thing they are thankful for.
Each person mentions one concern.
One of you offers a brief prayer covering both.
For example:
“Father, thank you for helping us through today. Please give us patience with the children tomorrow and wisdom about the decision at work. Help us care for one another. In Jesus’ name, amen.”
You can finish there.
If you miss a day, resume at the next opportunity rather than turning the missed prayer into another disagreement.
3. USE WORDS YOU ACTUALLY MEAN
You do not need to imitate a preacher or reproduce the language you hear at church.
In Matthew 6:7–13, Jesus warns against empty repetition and teaches his disciples to pray. The Lord’s Prayer gives attention to God’s name and kingdom alongside daily provision, forgiveness and deliverance.
That offers a helpful shape for your prayers.
You can speak about groceries, family responsibilities, temptation, uncertainty and the need to apologise.
“Lord, I am worried about tomorrow, and I do not know how to explain it properly” is an honest place to begin.
If you lose your words, a brief silence is acceptable. Your spouse does not need to fill every pause.
4. ALLOW DIFFERENT PRAYER STYLES
One person may feel comfortable reading a written prayer. The other may prefer speaking freely.
You can make room for both.
You might read the Lord’s Prayer together, then each add one sentence. You could read a short psalm and pray about something it brings to mind.
Psalm 23 can prompt prayer about guidance and care. Psalm 121 can help you reflect on God’s keeping. Read the passage in context rather than treating it as a promise that your family will never experience hardship.
Ask before introducing a longer or unfamiliar practice.
“Would you like us to read this prayer together?”
Agreement matters more than one person demonstrating how prayer ought to sound.
5. ASK WHAT YOUR SPOUSE WANTS PRAYER FOR
Try this question:
“What would you like me to pray about for you?”
Then respect the answer.
If your spouse asks for prayer about a difficult meeting, pray about the meeting. Avoid adding a list of shortcomings you think God should address.
You could say:
“Lord, give her clarity for the meeting and help her communicate what she needs to say.”
Or:
“Father, help him face tomorrow’s conversation with courage and honesty.”
Check whether the concern is private before mentioning it in a prayer group or sharing it with someone else.
Being trusted with a prayer request includes responsibility for how you handle it.
6. KEEP DISAGREEMENTS OUT OF INDIRECT PRAYERS
A prayer can become painful when it is used to deliver a criticism.
“Lord, teach my husband to stop being selfish.”
“Father, make my wife understand that she should respect me.”
The other person is left hearing an accusation while feeling unable to respond without appearing to interrupt prayer.
Raise the concern directly in conversation.
You might pray:
“Lord, help us understand why we keep hurting each other in this discussion.”
Then make time to discuss what happened, listen and take responsibility.
If you have insulted your spouse, apologise to them. Prayer can support that work, but it does not complete the apology on your behalf.
7. DO NOT FORCE PARTICIPATION
If your spouse is hesitant, ask what they would be comfortable with.
Perhaps they are willing to listen while you pray briefly. Perhaps they would prefer to read a prayer together occasionally.
Respect a refusal.
You may continue your personal prayer life without using it to make a point or treating your spouse as spiritually inferior.
If your beliefs differ, speak honestly about what shared prayer would mean to each of you. Do not require words that the other person does not sincerely believe.
Where there is fear, coercion or mistreatment in the relationship, a shared spiritual activity should not become a test of loyalty. Seek appropriate support for the underlying concern.
8. CONNECT PRAYER WITH PRACTICAL CARE
After praying, ask whether there is something you can do.
If your spouse is exhausted, could you take responsibility for a household task?
If you have prayed about a difficult decision, what information do you need to gather?
If you have asked for forgiveness, what needs putting right?
James 2:15–17 challenges a response that offers words to someone in material need without practical help. Within marriage, that reminds us to consider what care requires beyond what we say.
A useful closing question is:
“Is there anything I can do tomorrow that would help?”
Make a realistic offer and follow through.
9. LET THE ROUTINE CHANGE WITH YOUR SEASON
A couple caring for a newborn may need a different routine from a couple whose children have left home.
Night shifts, illness, travel and caring responsibilities can change what is possible.
Review the arrangement kindly:
“Is this time still working?”
“Would mornings be easier?”
“Should we keep it shorter this week?”
For couples living apart, a short prayer during an agreed call can be meaningful. Ask permission before sending voice recordings containing sensitive personal requests, particularly where someone else might hear them.
Consistency can include thoughtful adjustments.
A SIMPLE SEVEN-DAY START
Use the following prompts for a brief prayer each day. If a day is missed, continue without trying to catch up.
Day one: Thank God for one specific good thing about your shared life.
Day two: Each name one concern about the coming week.
Day three: Pray for wisdom in a decision you are facing.
Day four: Pray for a family member or friend, respecting their privacy.
Day five: Ask God to help you recognise something you need to put right.
Day six: Pray about one practical way you can support each other.
Day seven: Give thanks, then discuss what felt helpful and what you would like to change.
Keep the exercise simple enough to repeat.
A PRAYER YOU CAN USE TONIGHT
Father, thank you that we can come to you without pretending. You know our gratitude, our worries and the things we find difficult to say. Help us listen to one another and follow Jesus in the way we speak and act. Give us wisdom for tomorrow and show us one practical way to care for each other. In Jesus’ name, amen.
BEFORE YOU BEGIN
Ask your spouse:
“Would you be comfortable spending two minutes praying together tonight?”
If the answer is yes, ask what they would like prayer for.
You do not need to create an impressive moment. Give each other room to be honest, and begin with the words you have.
FURTHER READING
Explore 21 Days of Prophetic Prayers for Restoration by Apostle David Ogunseyin.
How to Communicate Better in Marriage Without Every Conversation Becoming an Argument
Feeling Lonely in Your Marriage? How to Rebuild Emotional Connection
How to Keep a Long-Distance Marriage Strong: A Practical Christian Guide
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Apostle David Ogunseyin is an Anglican priest and the Founder & Lead Pastor of Prophetic Voice Restoration Global.
Restoring Lives • Rebuilding Hope • Reviving Destinies