You have written the message three times without sending it.
Perhaps it concerns a job, a relationship, a move or a responsibility you are no longer sure you can carry.
You have prayed. You have considered the advantages and disadvantages. You have spoken to people whose opinions you respect.
Now you have several different answers and the same decision waiting for you.
Making difficult decisions as a Christian can feel especially demanding when you are afraid that choosing wrongly means missing God’s will.
You may begin waiting for a level of certainty that ordinary life rarely provides.
Christian discernment gives us more to work with than a sudden feeling or an unmistakable sign. Scripture, prayer, reliable information, wise counsel and honest consideration of our responsibilities all have a place.
1. State the decision clearly
Before asking what you should do, make sure you know what you are deciding.
“Should I change my life?” is too broad to examine.
“Should I accept this job, with these hours and this commute?” gives you something concrete.
Write the decision in one sentence.
Then identify the actual deadline. Is there a date by which you must respond, or are you feeling pressured to decide immediately?
Sometimes the most useful first step is asking for clarification or a reasonable amount of time.
“I am interested, but I need the written terms before making a decision.”
Clear questions often make the next step more manageable.
2. Begin with what Scripture makes clear
Some choices involve conduct Scripture addresses directly.
An opportunity requiring deception does not become wise because it promises a better income. A relationship does not become responsible because someone uses spiritual language while disregarding your consent. The PVRG article on recognising spiritual manipulation in a Christian relationship examines that concern in greater detail.
Other decisions involve several morally permissible options. Scripture may not name the employer, town or course you should choose.
In those situations, consider biblical principles.
Will this choice allow me to act truthfully?
What responsibilities have I already accepted?
Who else will be affected?
Am I treating people with fairness and care?
James 3:17 describes wisdom from above as pure, peaceable, considerate and open to reason, among other qualities. Consider whether the way you are making the decision reflects those characteristics.
3. Pray about your motives as well as the outcome
It is natural to ask God to show you which option to choose.
Also ask him to help you understand what is influencing you.
Am I afraid of disappointing someone?
Am I trying to prove my worth?
Does this option appeal to my pride?
Am I avoiding a necessary conversation?
You might pray:
“Lord, help me see this decision honestly. Show me where fear, resentment or ambition is affecting my judgement.”
James 1:5 encourages believers who lack wisdom to ask God. That invitation can lead us into careful reflection and practical enquiry.
Prayer does not require us to ignore information we would rather not face.
4. Separate facts from assumptions
Divide a page into three sections:
- What I know.
- What I am assuming.
- What I still need to find out.
For a possible relocation, you may know the proposed salary but be assuming that housing will be affordable.
For a relationship decision, you may know that someone wants marriage but still need to discuss children, finances or where you would live. Questions to Ask Before Marriage: A Practical Christian Guide offers a structured way to begin those conversations.
Identify the unanswered questions and seek reliable answers.
Where legal, medical, financial or immigration matters materially affect the choice, obtain appropriate professional advice.
A confident opinion from a friend cannot replace information that requires specialist knowledge.
5. Consider your feelings without making them the final authority
A worthwhile decision may feel frightening because it involves change.
A harmful option may feel familiar because you have lived with something similar before.
Notice your emotions and ask what they may be telling you.
“I feel anxious because I have not checked the costs.”
“I feel relieved because this would end a difficult conversation.”
“I feel excited because this work matters to me.”
These observations help you investigate.
Feeling calm does not, by itself, prove that a choice is God’s will. Feeling unsettled does not automatically establish that it is wrong.
Consider your feelings alongside the facts, biblical principles and circumstances.
6. Seek counsel from people who can ask good questions
Choose advisers for their judgement and relevant understanding.
One person may know your character well. Another may understand the practical demands of the opportunity.
Explain the situation accurately, including the details that make your preferred option less attractive.
Ask:
“What am I overlooking?”
“What questions would you want answered?”
“Do you see a conflict with responsibilities I already have?”
Proverbs 15:22 commends the value of counsel in making plans.
Counsel becomes less useful when you keep asking new people until someone agrees with the decision you already want to make.
Listen carefully, but retain responsibility for your choice. An adviser should not need threats or claims of unquestionable spiritual authority to make you comply.
7. Examine the cost to other people
A decision may benefit you while creating responsibilities for someone else.
A new role might require your spouse to absorb more childcare. A ministry commitment may occupy time you had promised to your family.
Discuss those effects before announcing the decision.
Ask:
“What would this require of you?”
“What support would we need?”
“What arrangement would be fair?”
Considering others does not mean that every person must approve of every choice. It means that their lives should not be treated as an afterthought.
8. Look for a responsible first step
You may be treating the decision as more permanent than it needs to be.
Could you gather information before committing?
Could you try a limited period?
Could you visit the location, speak to someone doing the work or request a written agreement?
A smaller step can reveal information that reflection alone cannot provide.
However, some commitments are serious and difficult to reverse. Marriage, major borrowing and relocation deserve particular care.
Do not describe something as an experiment when another person will reasonably understand it as a lasting promise.
9. Accept that you may have to choose without complete certainty
After reasonable prayer, enquiry and counsel, uncertainty may remain.
You may still need to decide.
Ask whether you have enough information to make a responsible choice, rather than whether you can eliminate every possibility of disappointment.
An open door is an opportunity to assess. A closed door is a circumstance to understand. Neither requires an elaborate spiritual explanation in every case.
You can make the best judgement available to you and remain willing to learn.
God’s care for his people is not limited to those who predict every consequence correctly. When an outcome still hurts, How to Handle Disappointment With God Without Losing Your Faith offers further guidance on honest prayer, lament and the next faithful step.
10. Review the decision honestly
Once you have chosen, identify what you will watch and when you will review it.
Are the agreed arrangements being honoured?
Have circumstances changed?
What information has emerged?
Do you need to adjust your approach or acknowledge a mistake?
A difficult outcome does not automatically prove that the original decision was faithless. Equally, claiming divine guidance should not prevent you from correcting an error.
Where your choice has harmed someone, take responsibility and consider what repair requires.
A practical decision exercise
Write down:
- The exact decision.
- The response deadline.
- The biblical principles involved.
- The facts I have confirmed.
- The assumptions I need to check.
- The people affected.
- The counsel I need.
- The next responsible action.
Then complete one action before returning to the same unanswered questions.
That action might be requesting information, arranging a conversation or setting a date to decide.
You may still feel unsure. You will have moved from circling the decision towards examining it responsibly.
Final prayer
Lord Jesus, give me wisdom for the decision before me. Help me recognise what is true, examine my motives and consider the people affected. Keep me open to correction and willing to seek appropriate advice. Where certainty is unavailable, give me courage to act responsibly and humility to learn as I go. Amen.
Further reading
Explore more teaching and books by Apostle David Ogunseyin on the Amazon author page.
About the author
Apostle David Ogunseyin is an Anglican priest and the Founder & Lead Pastor of Prophetic Voice Restoration Global.
Restoring Lives • Rebuilding Hope • Reviving Destinies